If Wishes Were Horses

2 11 2009

I wish….

labor day weekend 2005 026That I knew how to tap dance

That I understood the appeal of hiking

That I was a better writer

That the Carol Burnett Show was still on the air

That Liza still held my hand when we walk on the beach

That I liked yogurt

That I could take a walk with my father one more time

That the day after the Oscars was a nationally sanctioned day of rest

That there was a sports team, any sports team, I was remotely interested in.

That I was more effective at my job

That I trusted my ability to sing

That I didn’t hyperventilate when it was time for costume measurements

That I trusted my friends not to care about my costume measurements.

That money didn’t worry me so

That I could pick up Liza every day at 2:10 like other moms

That I liked to cook

That I was better at confronting people who have hurt me

That peak foliage would last two months and winter only one

That I had found the courage to come out to my mother

That I had something more creative to write about

That I didn’t worry what the other moms at Liza’s school think of me.

That I was kinder in word and deed

That I knew what the cat found so fascinating under the living room chair

That I took the time to go explore the woods behind my house

That I was more serious of purpose

That I had Kelly’s wit

That I didn’t fall so in love with the character I’m playing. The goodbye will hurt.

That I had realized how loud that cool new clock in the living room would be.

That I could call my sister and tell her I was sorry for being such a bratty kid.

That I had a sense of style

That I could spend a long morning over coffee with my college roomie.

That I wasn’t so chicken

That my oldest nephew would realize how much his family loves him

That I could motivate myself to exercise.

That I hadn’t hurt my ex husband so deeply

That I didn’t love reality tv so much

That my brother lived closer

That I cared about statistics and surveys and studies

That I had been a better mom to Liza in her early years.

That I had the guts to tell my friend to get the help she needs before she dies.

That typing that sentence didn’t make me cry.

That I could live with the mistakes of my past.

That Dani was here to tell me we all have pasts and we all live with them.

That Kelly could really know how madly passionately desperately I love her.

That I didn’t have to stop writing this and go to work.

That we could have a national discourse without screaming at each other.

That the fact that I want to marry Kelly would be a non issue to everyone.

That I  wasn’t such a sap and didn’t cry every time Liza goes on stage

That for today I can make at least one person laugh out loud.

That I will find one friend I haven’t seen in a long time and tell them I love them.

 

What are your wishes?

 

 

 

 

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